Playing the part of Minister's wife
You know you’re caught in the rip current of people pleasing when you dread saying yes, but feel powerless to say no.”
I admit I have a problem. I am a born people pleaser.
Maybe that is why I was born a performer as well. I crave attention, applause, and approval. My audience is unseen, but God does have a front seat.
However, as a young girl, I would set up my teen idols faces from the latest teen magazine in my living room and pretend the pictures were watching my singing and dancing performances.
They must have loved me because of their dazzling white smiles, especially Donny Osmond!
By the time I graduated from high school, I took my faith very seriously, married and went on tour with Sound of Joy, a contemporary singing group. Performing every night, but with a true calling in my heart and it was true joy. People were watching and they were pleased. Life was good.
Once we settled down, my husband fell into the role of Music & Youth minister. I was now playing the part of minister's wife and this is where my authenticity hit a snag.
My family went to church some while I was growing up, so my exposure to this calling was new and I was unsure. I began to dress and act and talk like I thought I should. Tracy had no real representation. I wanted to please the congregation.
As my plate grew heavier from all the responsibilities and causes that I had said yes to, my faith became weaker. On the outside, smiling and on the inside overwhelmed, drained and worn.
Self doubt is a powerful joy killer. When you please someone it may give you a momentary spark of instant gratification, but once you exhaust your energy trying to please, the spark will not keep a fire burning…you have to add fuel.
God’s word is the best fire starter.
Wise women say no. People pleasers lack the ability because they are afraid. We are afraid you won't like us.
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
Just say no
sounds easy enough.
It may work for some, but its extremely difficult for a people pleaser. It is not simple.
Once you have admitted the problem. Realize that the next time the yes word starts out of your mouth....stop, look and listen!!! Answer differently. Practice it at home in front of the mirror.
SAY.......I will pray about it,
think about it and give an answer later.
Then do it! Pray. Ask. Seek. Once you know it’s a negative, follow through without apology.
The more victories under your belt from saying no to things you should not be saying yes to then the more you will grow stronger.
I am a recovering people pleaser, it’s a test every day. I have learn the value of NO and the value of actually asking God rather than jumping ahead on my own.
When asked, remember the magic words, No, thank you.
Make time for the things God wants you to do...by freeing up those duties and responsibilities you are doing out of guilt, or self-serving, or because you were too afraid to say no.